How many times have
you heard:
"Oh look,
skinny girl with a fat-complex!"
"You aren't
fat, you weight, what a buck oh five soaking wet?"
"Is that all
you're going to eat? Are you anorexic or something?"
" Should you be eating that? Didn't you have
weight loss surgery?"
"When have you ever had to worry about what you
eat?"
Some days I wish I
could move away and live somewhere where no one knew me as overweight/obese,
where I could be viewed as normal and not a freak because I lost half my body
weight with surgical intervention. Then I realize some of the above
questions/comments will be thrown at me.
At the same time I
get tired of the same questioned being asked, "How did you do it?"
"Why did you do that to yourself?" Not to mention the attention from
the opposite sex. Don't get me wrong, I love attention, I just don't know what to
do with it. I love to be adored, but I hate to get hit on. Yep, total head case
here.
So let me introduce
myself, my name is Jenna, I had gastric bypass surgery in July 19, 2010 and I
lost 106 pounds from my initial weigh in with Dr McKenna. Have I kept off all
106? Nope, I maintain about a 95 pound loss, seating me firmly in the center of
"healthy". Am I 100% compliant? Nope, I want to be, but life has a
way of interfering with that. Do I strive for 100% compliance? Most days. I'm
100% compliant on my vitamins, I shoot for my 25gm of fiber and I keep my carbs
lower than my protein intake. I don't exercise as much as I could, but I still
exercise. I don't always make the best food choices but I'm a whiz in the
kitchen when it comes to taking bad for you foods and recreating them into
something I'm "allowed" to have. My husband and son love my recipes
and I hope you'll try them out too (justaskjenna.blogspot.com)
So the
questions/comments:
Skinny girl with a
fat complex? You betcha, I had bariatric surgery, not brain surgery, I'm still
used to seeing the fat girl in the mirror, it's always a shock when I see the
new me staring back with a raised eye brow, some times mouthing the words "who
the heck are you?" I don't handle putting weight on very well, not because
a couple pounds will make me fat, but because where does it end, after you
start putting on weight, it's really had to stop the progress or even reverse
it. My weight has more or less been stable for over a year now, so my
motivation in seeing the scale move weekly has vanished. I like instant
gratification, it makes maintenance extremely difficult. When I went over 1000
calories for the first time, I freaked out, after being consistently around
1200 calories per day, I stopped counting, the numbers were driving me nuts,
and I decided to rely on clothes, and it worked, for a while, but then the
Zumba stopped, the weight wanted to come back, and I'm back to counting
calories, carb, fiber, and protein. I had labs done this morning, so in a
couple weeks I'll find out if I need to start worrying about fat again (yay for
fat mal-absorption post gastric bypass surgery! Too bad it doesn't last
forever) I don't mind counting them any more. I know that 1200-1600 is
realistic (1200-1400 to lose weight, 1500-1600 to maintain). I DO have a number
complex, but I also have avoidance issues and a distorted body image, gotta
work with what I've got.
Regarding my weight,
I weight around 135 pounds, not 105, 105 is unhealthy for me, the BMI range
says anything between 111 and 150 is healthy for me, I disagree and do not plan
to ever go under 120, 123 was kinda iffy. I come from people with very solid bodies
(and yet I am small boned with a small frame?!) I LIKE weighing in between
125-130, 135 makes my clothes snug, and so 125-130 is my goal weight, I need to
get back down there, and I have a plan.
I am not anorexic, I
am not bulimic, though weight loss surgery tends to make you look that way. You
can't eat a lot at one time and if you do you will vomit, that's just the way
it is. Once you change you can't go back to what you used to do unless you want
that body back too (talk about a waste of money!) I had to change, just because
I'm not eating what you may be used to seeing me eat does not mean I am not
eating enough. Just because I do not eat the same thing or amount you eat does
not mean my food choices are unhealthy, nor do they make me malnourished. I
wish people would stop and look at their own food choices before attacking
mine, but that's human nature.
Me and my body know
whether or not I can eat something, me and my brain know whether or not I
should, so while it may appear to be
helpful when you criticize my food choices, remember you are criticizing and
may get smacked with some heavy-duty sarcasm.
The way I see it,
I'm healthier now than ever, if you disagree, please take it up with doctor or
nutritionist or show me your credentials.
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